cautionary tales

lady: hi! what’s your name?

me: vanessa

lady: pariha kag nawng sa imong pangan.

funny she should say that. i have always felt that a “vanessa” is someone who wears power suits, smoke cigarettes, and reads the business section of the paper. or someone who has a nightcap while watching japanese independent films. certainly not someone who sings in the bathroom or has freakish bottom teeth.

vanessa is actually a genus of brush-footed butterflies. a friend from highschool said the name is very fitting, because i was as flirtatious as a butterfly who flits from flower to flower. while i have absolutely no idea why he would think this, i must say that i could relate to them butterflies. they are so pretty and colorful but when you get up close and personal with one, you see those bug-eyes and ugly tongue things and skinny legs and you just want to swat them away. kinda like me, freakish bottom teeth and all

like a shirt that’s too big, i feel that my name doesn’t fit my personality. this must be why hardly anybody ever uses it. i have at least three official nicknames: neness (for homies), banne (for old friends), van (for people i just recently met). i have noticed that those who call me van will end up calling me banne, which makes sense since “people i just recently met” will eventually become “old friends”. but you only get to call me “neness” if you belong to the same bloodline that i do. i kinda like this algorithm. it makes sense to me. i even think this accounts for my multiple personalities i have an officemate who calls me “nes” and i get disoriented every time she does it. i wish people would just stick to the program.